Carelessly you can walk,
With my arms in yours
And my voice by your side
Endlessly you can speak,
Of moments alone, most of them together
Yet keep aside all that is left unsaid
Joyfully, you can demand all adventures from life
Never care to live with what you sail through, and swim
within
Like the innocence of a child
Candidly you can tell a million flaws
Yet continue embracing them
For a sparkle of fault in those eyes
Quietly you can pull off an encore
Still yelling to your
fort
Mistakes that made you blind
Resentfully you part ways
Rising like a wave from the Dead Sea
Commanding due responsibility
Carefully you try not being a puzzle
Yet leave characters disguised
Where the entire World’s a stage
Humbly you can pry
Contemplating, yet shy
Make it real beyond words
But if you must, then can you perhaps genuinely just try?
This poem is a wedding cake with many layers. I say wedding, because it has a hint of abstract romance in it. And cake, because they are delicious and excellent. And layers, because one could read this poem over and over again, and one would always make a discovery or see another facet of this gem of a work. One may see a broken heart, or fight with the subconscious, or thoughts that leave, or an allegory of time... I would very much like to know which.
ReplyDeleteOne can find a hint of consolation here, despite the weight of life, your poem makes one wonder for the possibility of walking carelessly, to try and see beyond the easily visible.
ReplyDeleteToo much is said and with your words you keep the reader engaged for a very long time, a very intriguing piece.
Carefully you try not being a puzzle
Yet leave characters disguised
Brilliant lines!
Loved it! Keep up the excellent work.
If I could whistle, I would have done just that the moment I finished reading this brilliantly written and beautifully rendered picture of contradiction. It speaks in contrasting words a journey one has perhaps undertaken with someone. A journey not of distance but a journey of Time. A journey in which one has shown every facade of their self and has seen the same of the other. Yet, during the entire time it seems that a curtain is drawn in front of the eyes of the narrator for she/he is always a distance away. Or perhaps it may be that the other person has kept the narrator at bay. Like letting one dip a feet in a lake but never letting one step in.
ReplyDeleteThere is a wonderful abstraction and distance in here but is close at the same time. The proxemics are in contention in every line and is a feature which (perhaps) catches the reader the very first time they read it. For example, "And my voice by your side" creates a conflicting picture in the mind of the reader (at least it did to me). They being the warm picture of two people (for the words you use are "by your side" and not "at your side") and the other picture being of a man who is striding ahead and has out the narrator to a side. In other words, what I mean to say is that your writing says both "by your side" and "at your side" even though it is not directly evident from the words that have been put. The second picture that is painted is of the narrator never being given the attention that is needed. The narrator may continue to hold the person in certain reverence but at the same time cannot help but feel slightly (or more?) dejected at being treated (almost) like an inferior. There is also an undertone of arrogance in the other person which adds another dimension to the interpretation of the entire work.
This seems to me a different type of "Darkhaast", the original being of a nature (already communicated to you) and this one representing a more dejected conversation. It is as if the narrator is tired. There is an effect of the narrator being caught up in a tangle while not being sure of what to do - to hold on or to fight and break free.
However, not just the above, you do not fail to add the tinge of hope. More than the word hope, a tinge of plea towards the end. A sincere request. As if calling a traveller who has not gone too far away from home and can still be seen. A call (perhaps) asking them to maybe mend their ways or maybe to simply pay attention or else to let the narrator bask in their presence, if nothing else.
An absolutely beautiful work, I specifically loved the last four lines (and the rest of the work too!). Reminds me of a phrase (quoting you) "Ola Birdie!"...